Conflict is a natural, normal and inevitable part of human relationships, but managing these conflicts is what can lead to healthy or unhealthy family relationships.
This, from counselling psychologist Rhonda Thompson Benjamin as she explained on how to handle conflict without it becoming unhealthy.
She noted that people respond to disagreements in different ways, including criticism, avoidance and resentful silence, all of which can contribute to unhealthy family dynamics.
“Sometimes we avoid the conflict completely so that we now believe that there is no conflict or disagreement in the household. And then, of course, resentment will build. So when family members no longer feel emotionally or physically safe to express themselves, the conflict begins to damage the trust in relationships. So healthy relationship or health conflict management should ultimately lead to understanding, compromise and stronger family bonds.”
The counselling psychologist stressed that there are better ways to deal with family conflict.
“One of the most effective strategies is active listening. Many times we struggle with listening. So we are good at saying our needs or articulating some of the problems that we are experiencing. However, when we actively listen, it means that we are listening to understand rather than just to respond. Avoid interrupting, making assumptions or even becoming defensive when a person is sharing their needs.”
Ms Thompson-Benjamin also emphasised the importance of timing, saying contentious issues are best discussed when emotions have settled and family members are prepared to listen and engage constructively.
“Families should also choose the right time to discuss issues, meaning we are not talking about issues when we are already stressed. There are some issues that we have to communicate about, we may not be able to avoid it. However, when we are hungry, when we are tired, you know, those are not the times to have deep conversations.”
The counselling psychologist noted that it is critical to remain calm and to take breaks during discussions if or when situations become heated.